Awkwardness

I wonder why I have never gotten over the awkwardness of talking to girls. There are a couple girls in my singles branch that I have my eye on and I was trying to talk to one of them today and everything that came out of my mouth was pretty idiotic.

Me: So that challenge that you left us...I didn't say anything because it is still in the works.
My Brain: WTF? This is so not how I had it playing out for you, Jake.

Her: Challenge?

Me: Oh yeah. The missionary work challenge.
My Brain: She doesn't even remember. Don't we feel like an anus?

Her: Oh right. Cool.

Me: I have a friend of my sister's...blah-blah-blah.
My Brain: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup!

Her: Oh cool. That's awesome. At least it's in the works.

And that was that.

Before that, I introduced myself to a new girl in the branch.

Me: What's your name?

Her: (says her name)

Me: Oh hi, I'm Jake. (shake hands)
My Brain: Shaking hands? Really? Do you shake hands with girls? Is that kosher? I mean...you do when they're older but when they're your age and they are looking at you with big blue eyes and a great smile...is it okay to just shake hands? You obviously don't hug because that's just weird. And it's just awkward not to do anything. Okay, I guess we shake hands.

Her: Nice to meet you.

Me: Nice to meet you too.

And that was that.

Anybody else find this awkward? Why is it that a guy who is nearly 30 still cannot talk to women? I can talk to them just fine, I guess, I just say dumb things.

Maybe I should just carry a card with me that I would give to a girl when I see her and want to talk to her. It would say the following:

Hi. My name is Jake Taylor. I have a tendency to stick my foot in my mouth when I talk to girls so, in an effort to stop that from happening, I am just going to not say anything. You can talk all you want. I will just nod and smile and enjoy being in your presence. That is all. Have a wonderful day.

Okay so maybe not. I try not to overthink what I say to girls but, in doing so, I end up just thinking about not overthinking and so I end up getting all worked up about that.

So this is the reason I am still single. In case you were all wondering.

A message to all the girls out there (especially the ones from my branch who happen upon this): If you see me trying to talk to you, just give me a break. I promise I will try and not say anything too dumb. Okay. I can't promise that. But just don't take everything I say as something I would normally say. I'm just nervous and awkward around girls most of the time. So yeah. Cut me some slack.

That is all. I probably made myself look like a total idiot now. I can talk to girls and I do know how to flirt and all that. It's just the initial breaking the barrier that gets me. How do you start conversations...etc...

Moving on.