Alienated

3.5 out of 5 Stars

Two years ago, the aliens made contact. Now Cara Sweeney is going to be sharing a bathroom with one of them.  

Handpicked to host the first-ever L’eihr exchange student, Cara thinks her future is set. Not only does she get a free ride to her dream college, she’ll have inside information about the mysterious L’eihrs that every journalist would kill for. Cara’s blog following is about to skyrocket.

Still, Cara isn’t sure what to think when she meets Aelyx. Humans and L’eihrs have nearly identical DNA, but cold, infuriatingly brilliant Aelyx couldn’t seem more alien. She’s certain about one thing, though: no human boy is this good-looking.

But when Cara's classmates get swept up by anti-L'eihr paranoia, Midtown High School suddenly isn't safe anymore. Threatening notes appear in Cara's locker, and a police officer has to escort her and Aelyx to class. 

Cara finds support in the last person she expected. She realizes that Aelyx isn’t just her only friend; she's fallen hard for him. But Aelyx has been hiding the truth about the purpose of his exchange, and its potentially deadly consequences. Soon Cara will be in for the fight of her life—not just for herself and the boy she loves, but for the future of her planet. (from Goodreads.com)

I just read a scathing review of this book on Goodreads. Was it flawless? No. Were the characters in-depth and multi-dimensional? Not in the slightest. Was it entertaining? It was decent. 

I wouldn't say this book was awful, but I wouldn't say it was amazing either. It's right there in the middle for me. Mediocre. The writing isn't terrible. There was humor which I enjoyed. The premise was interesting. The scathing review said it wasn't creative but I beg to differ. The idea of an alien exchange program is pretty inventive. 

Let's talk about the characters for a bit, first. 

Cara starts out smart and savvy, a fiery redhead with determination. But as the story goes along she becomes more and more of a victim. She lets things happen to her and I didn't like that. For someone who was supposed to be so determined, stubborn, and headstrong, she was sure a pushover. She runs a blog that's pretty witty at first. Her journalistic need to find the truth is pretty much nonexistent once she decides she is in love with the alien boy. All of her friends abandon her, yet she still chooses Aelyx. Now what teenage girl who is even remotely popular at school do you know that would throw all of her friends and her ranking away for a boy everyone else hates? Especially as her life gets threatened. Cara seems to have a whole different moral set than most girls her age. I kinda wish there was more fight in her. That she would have started blaming Aelyx and searching for the truth behind some of his sketchy ways rather than becoming a milk-toast and sappy girl who falls for the mysterious bad-boy. Landers could/should have really honed in on Cara's journalist traits, have her discover the truth herself, and then have to decide if she would expose him or if she would keep his secret simply because somewhere in the ride she had fallen in love with him. That is the true conflict, to me, but it gets glossed over. Or something. I'm not even sure. 

There's a part when she is confronting Aelyx and wants the truth. How does he get away with not telling her? He starts touching her. Instead of seeing through it, Cara gets all weak in the knees for him. What is that teaching girls? That their man can do anything he wants as long as he kisses her and swoons her just right. Ugh. 

And Aelyx. The alien boy. I'm not sure why he suddenly falls for Cara. It seems to come out of nowhere especially after how much he supposedly hates Earth and humans. He obviously hates Earth enough to come up with a plot with his friends to destroy Earth. Even after discovering said plot, Cara is angry but eventually takes him back because he's misunderstood? What? And what's with the aliens looking just like humans? Landers could have had some sort of Beauty and the Beast thing going where Cara sees past an intimidating, otherworldly exterior and falls in love with him. 

Tori. I enjoyed her spunk. But then she becomes stereotypical and betrays Cara for what? No good reason. For someone who was supposed to be even more fiery and stubborn than Cara, she sure turned her back quickly. While we later find that she wasn't entirely a traitor, it still just plays off as too convenient and dramatic for the plot. 

Eric. Stereotypical jock. I'm not sure where the attraction is with Cara and him or how they became involved. I think it would have been better if they were just platonic friends that grew apart and Cara sees him and Tori hooking up as an extra stab in the back. 

The parents. So goody-goody for their own good. Always making out which is gross. I'm not sure why that needed to be in the story. And they let their daughter get away with murder. And they hold their ground even as their jobs and social lives are at stake. I'm not sure I know of any parent who would actually do that. You would think at least one of them would start thinking "Hey maybe we should send the alien back before the town decides to tar and feather us." 

The ambassador. Aelyx's ambassador or whatever is supposed to look old but not really be old. He's also monotone. I understand why Landers has him that way and it gets explained, but he's supposed to be a somewhat antagonist yet he ends up being forgettable because he's so drab. Speaking of antagonist...I'm not really sure who the actual antagonist is in this book. Was it Aelyx? Is it The Way? Is it Cara? There's just no telling. 

Syrene and Eron. Aelyx's friends are alright. They serve as points to help move the story along but Syrene is too angry all the time to relate to. Eron doesn't get enough stage time to really be significant. 

Despite the flaws in the character building, I didn't mind it. There are other YA books I've read where I have been frustrated with the characters all the way through reading. That wasn't the case with this. I just wish, for once, authors would create a love story that wasn't perfect, where the characters made stupid decisions and lived with those choices, where the headstrong girl stayed true to her character and didn't get swayed by some handsome stranger. 

That brings me to the themes in the book. This is where I think Landers did a good job. She shows that tolerance and discrimination are real human acts. Cara does serve as the ideal in this aspect. She sees how her classmates and people in her town treat Aelyx and she sees a problem with it. Her parents stand up for Aelyx constantly. Looking at Alienated as a lesson in acceptance and overcoming differences sheds a whole new light on it. Beyond the obligatory romance (really, I don't understand the attraction just like with most YA novels out there) we find a story of how humans treat those who are different which is a theme that is entirely relevant in our time (Ferguson riots ring any bells?). 

While I didn't hate this book, I also don't think it was my favorite. Now, that being said, I didn't like Divergent when I first read it also. It took reading the second and third books and watching the movie for me to really fall in love with that story. I will continue to read what Landers has to offer with this series. Hopefully she can add some elements and depth that will catapult it from mediocre to outstanding. 

Bodies of Water

4.5 of 5 Stars

In 1960, Billie Valentine is a young housewife living in a sleepy Massachusetts suburb, treading water in a dull marriage and caring for two adopted daughters. Summers spent with the girls at their lakeside camp in Vermont are her one escape - from her husband's demands, from days consumed by household drudgery, and from the nagging suspicion that life was supposed to hold something different. Then a new family moves in across the street. Ted and Eva Wilson have three children and a fourth on the way, and their arrival reignites long-buried feelings in Billie. The affair that follows offers a solace Billie has never known, until her secret is revealed and both families are wrenched apart in the tragic aftermath. Fifty years later, Ted and Eva's son, Johnny, contacts an elderly but still spry Billie, entreating her to return east to meet with him. Once there, Billie finally learns the surprising truth about what was lost, and what still remains, of those joyful, momentous summers. (from Amazon.com)

I will admit I set this one on my shelf for a long time and it wasn't because I didn't want to read it. Any time Miss Greenwood releases a new book I am ready to devour it. She is one of my absolute favorite authors and I still pride myself in finding her book, by sheer luck, at a Barnes and Noble a few years ago. That being said, she's got a new book coming out, The Forever Bridge, and I'm ecstatic for its release. 

Bodies of Water does not disappoint. Greenwood treats the story with her signature pizazz and knack for capturing the right words. I was constantly impressed with the imagery of water throughout. Water becomes an extended metaphor throughout the entire novel. The story is captivating. A gift of Miss Greenwood's is to take a story that may seem predictable at face value but she captures the reader with her distinct prose. The character of Ted Wilson seems a little stereotypical, for example, but Miss Greenwood still manages to make it interesting. 

If homosexual romances offend you in any way, but you have read Miss Greenwood before and loved it, still give this one a chance. It may just alter your view of homosexual men and women. I think it was meant to be a twist in the plot, or at least a secret, since the synopsis on the back of the book doesn't really say anything about it. Whatever your response is to it I certainly hope it doesn't force you away from finishing the book. This is one book that explores the nature of love. What it really means to love and how freeing it is to follow your heart. Billie and Eva are a believable couple and their story is something that gives hope to any who long for love. 

I highly recommend this novel and any other work by Miss Greenwood. 

I'm Not Dead

Hello, my few and loyal followers and friends!

Just so you know. I'm not dead. Here's a quick update since last I posted.

• Still living in San Diego
• Still in the Navy
• I made Second Class Petty Officer. It's kind of a funny story as to how I found out. I'll share another time/another post. 
• I've got a town home in the center of Mission Valley with my cousin. It's a great setup and awesome to have family in the city with me. 
• I don't get to go home for the holidays.
• I am a sexual assault victim advocate, nationally certified. I went through 40 hours of rigorous training to be able to help victims of sexual assault. It has already been a very rewarding experience. 
• No romance/love interests. For the first time in, well, ever...I have no crushes, nobody I'm talking to, and I'm fine with that. I've said I've "given up" before but this time seems to be real.
• Work is insanely busy. My ship is going through intense training and inspection. We are almost done with it though. 
• Because work is so busy I don't read near as much as I used to. I've been trying to get through Feast for Crows by George R. R. Martin. It's good but the story has taken a huge diversion from the other plots so it has been hard to adjust. I also just devoured over half of T. Greenwood's Bodies of Water yesterday. She is fantastic. You will most likely see a book review for it soon. 

That pretty much sums up everything going on with me. I wish I had more exciting things to share. 

North of Boston

Woohoo!

Elisabeth Elo’s debut novel introduces Pirio Kasparov, a Boston-bred tough-talking girl with an acerbic wit and a moral compass that points due north.

When the fishing boat Pirio is on is rammed by a freighter, she finds herself abandoned in the North Atlantic. Somehow, she survives nearly four hours in the water before being rescued by the Coast Guard. But the boat’s owner and her professional fisherman friend, Ned, is not so lucky.

Compelled to look after Noah, the son of the late Ned and her alcoholic prep school friend, Thomasina, Pirio can’t shake the lurking suspicion that the boat’s sinking—and Ned’s death—was no accident. It’s a suspicion seconded by her deeply cynical, autocratic Russian father, who tells her that nothing is ever what it seems. Then the navy reaches out to her to participate in research on human survival in dangerously cold temperatures.

With the help of a curious journalist named Russell Parnell, Pirio begins unraveling a lethal plot involving the glacial whaling grounds off Baffin Island. In a narrow inlet in the arctic tundra, Pirio confronts her ultimate challenge: to trust herself. 

A gripping literary thriller, North of Boston combines the atmospheric chills of Jussi Adler-Olsen with the gritty mystery of Laura Lippman. And Pirio Kasparov is a gutsy, compellingly damaged heroine with many adventures ahead. (From Goodreads.com)

I had high hopes for this book. So much so that I made it the book of the month in the book club I run online. I'm not saying it was disappointing, just that I expected more. 

First, the good points.

Pirio is a great heroine. She's flawed but strong. She's witty, compassionate, a little stubborn, free-willed. All those good things that people love in a female lead. Her quips are fun. She's emotional when she needs to be and doesn't come off as spoiled or whiny. 

The storyline is interesting. I love a good mystery and this one seemed to be different than the rest. Which is true. It definitely stands out and I give Elo kudos for trying to break the formula. This book is often compared, in other reviews, to Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl but I don't really see it. 

I'm writing this review after a few months of reading it, but I do remember that the writing was quite excellent. She has a knack for atmosphere and detail. At times, though, I felt it was too weighed down with prose for there to be excitement. I liked the feel of Boston for this book. 

And now the bad news. 

I'm in the navy, and this book deals with some of the navy culture. I'm sorry, but the navy I know wouldn't give two hoots about a woman who survived a cold dive in the water. Least of all a captain in the navy. It felt like that part of it wasn't researched well. That is, in fact, where I began to lose interest. 

The storyline with her annoying, drunkard friend got to be too much. Her friend was someone I wanted to reach into the book and strangle. That's not a bad thing. In fact, that's a sign of a good writer who can create such an emotion in the reader. However, it didn't feel like it served a purpose other than to create depth in Pirio. 

A sure sign of a book I'm not terribly fond of is when I decide it is better to just start skimming. I'm usually pretty persistent and will and have suffered from terrible story lines, just to say I got to the end without skimming. I don't have time for that anymore. I wanted to know what happened, though, so I skimmed enough to know the gist of the ending. 

Perhaps I am too harsh. I would read more of Elo's work in the future. However, if the next project she puts out garners the same result, I'd think twice before reading more. 

Panic

WOOT WOOT!

Panic began as so many things do in Carp, a dead-end town of 12,000 people in the middle of nowhere: because it was summer, and there was nothing else to do.

Heather never thought she would compete in Panic, a legendary game played by graduating seniors, where the stakes are high and the payoff is even higher. She’d never thought of herself as fearless, the kind of person who would fight to stand out. But when she finds something, and someone, to fight for, she will discover that she is braver than she ever thought.

Dodge has never been afraid of Panic. His secret will fuel him, and get him all the way through the game, he’s sure of it. But what he doesn't know is that he’s not the only one with a secret. Everyone has something to play for.

For Heather and Dodge, the game will bring new alliances, unexpected revelations, and the possibility of first love for each of them—and the knowledge that sometimes the very things we fear are those we need the most. (From Goodreads.com)

I devoured this book. Oliver is a constant favorite of mine in the YA genre. She has a knack for capturing imagery and emotion. This book was interesting because it felt dystopian but it was set in present day America. The characters are believable and developed well. The romance between Bishop and Heather doesn't seem forced in any way. All in all an excellent read and another gold star for Miss Oliver. Fans of her Delirium trilogy won't be disappointed, however, it takes some adjusting because it isn't as fast-paced and breathtaking as those books. I do like, though, that Oliver has managed to create a world like the Hunger Games set in our own present-day life. That, in itself, is a statement. 

Red Rising

Woot! Woot!

I devoured the beginning of this book. The different landscape and futuristic world on Mars was intriguing to me. Darrow is an awesome protagonist because he has flaws of a godlike superhero. Rage, vengeance, pride drive him to carve away his low Red upbringing and become a Gold to take down the unjust caste system of which he and his family have suffered from for years. He loses his wife which is the driving force behind what he does. It is all very creative and grandiose. Pierce Brown has created a world unlike any other I have ever read. 

It has hints of Hunger Games influence as Darrow is forced to compete against other Golds to be the greatest and be picked to lead fleets and armies of Mars. It is much more gruesome and graphic than Hunger Games but the story is geared more toward a mature audience. 

There is a lull in the story about three quarters of the way in where Brown almost lost me but I pushed through and the pay off was great. The ending has a few twists and it ends with a thrilling call for him to Rise, marking his first move in his rebellion. The battle has only just begun and Darrow has shown himself to be a threat to be reckoned with. 

I look forward to the next installment, Golden Son, in this exciting series. Highly recommended for sci-fi and adventure readers. 

The Fault in Our Stars

WOOT WOOT!

Every once in awhile a book comes along that changes you. When you find that book you find yourself thinking about it well after you've finished it. You set it down regretfully while you're reading it because you don't want to put it down. Once it is finished you are sad that it is over. The Fault in Our Stars was one of these books for me. 

For a brief synopsis: The narrator is Hazel, a sixteen-year-old girl who has dealt with cancer all her life. Her form of cancer, once it was eradicated from her body, left her with fluid in her lungs and the fear that she could get it all again. She meets a boy, Augustus Waters, who is another cancer patient. His cancer left him with an amputated leg. An unlikely and, seemingly, doomed romance ensues between the two. 

I loved the symbolism in this book. It's something you don't see very much in popular literature these days. People are up for instant gratification and no longer like to delve into the deeper meaning of what they read. 

John Green said he wanted to create  a story that showed a less glamorous look at the life of cancer. Throughout the story Hazel demeans this when someone from her support group dies and their Facebook wall lights up with posts about how wonderful, brave, and perfect that person was when, in reality, these people never knew the real person. Being a victim of cancer or a cancer survivor or a cancer patient, in and of itself, is enough to raise you to sainthood. This is one of the ideals Hazel remains constant about and I think it's because Green is trying to tell us that it is ok to humanize the dead, the cancer patient, and the victim. Celebrate that they were human and they lived a life that wasn't altogether perfect but they made the most of it. 

Hazel is very grim at first. She goes around thinking she's a walking time bomb. I loved her voice through Green's writing. She is a smart, intelligible and reliable narrator. There are moments of great insight and others of entertaining humor that all make Green's novel entertaining and valuable to any library. 

Augustus is a strong hero. I was uncomfortable when his illness started making him into a whiny, gloomy child, but Green explained that he did that on purpose. He wanted to show that death is not a pretty thing. Cancer is not pretty. 

I cannot gush on enough about this book. It has humor, romance, history, symbolism, allusion, great dialogue, awesome writing, and a fine attention to detail. You can tell the author has worked hard to create a story that is both entertaining and affective. I highly recommend it to anyone, but I also recommend that you have a tissue or two handy for the ending. 

Tabitha and Sexy Rexy

As a break from the book reviews, I thought I'd give you, my Thirsty readers, an update on things down here in sunny San Diego.

Pictured above is me with my really good friend Tara. She has been a real blessing to me as a friend and a crazy companion. We've gotten into many shenanigans together. An odd thing I have noticed is that gay men rarely hang out with lesbians. Tara is a lesbian and I am gay, so it's kinda weird that we get along so well. I not only hang with her, but I have made friends with a few other lesbians: Ann and Lincoln. They have been incredible to me.

Tara invited me one night to hang out with her. I met her at Wang's where she was dancing with some new friends she had made. Little did I know that this party she was at was a She-She party. Meaning it was for lesbians. Needless to say I stood out a little. Me and the bartender were the only males in the whole party. I made the most of it and had fun. Oddly enough I did get checked out by women too. They thought I was an incredibly butch lesbian. I wasn't sure how to take that, but whatever.

At the She-She party we decided I needed a lesbian name so I wouldn't feel so left out. For some reason I came up with Tabitha. But you have to say it like you're a macho butch woman, complete with flexing your muscles. Then we gave Tara a gay name so she could be like a gay boy when we go to gay bars for me. Her name was Chad but then we realized one of the bartenders at Babycakes is named Chad. So it has since been revised to be Sexy Rexy.

We also went out together for New Year's Eve. It was quite the night. We went to Bourbon St., a bar off the beaten path. There we saw drunk women try to pole dance and we got our beads and hats you see in the picture above.

All of us go out for Sunday Funday just about every week. It's a good time. We go to Mo's for a brunch and endless mimosas then to Babycakes for drinks and cupcakes.

I met all these great people through a support group for navy homosexuals which was founded by Ann Foster. She and I had been talking all through my deployment about starting up a chapter on my ship. That is still in the works. Regardless of what happens with that, I am glad I am part of GLASS (Gay Lesbian and Supportive Sailors) even if there is no chapter on my ship. I'm still doing what I can to get it done. If I hadn't spoken up to my CO about having more support for gays and lesbians at the command, then I would never have met Ann, Lincoln, Tara, or any of the other great lesbian and gay sailors I have had the pleasure to meet.

The Never List

WOOT!

The cute little seller at Warwick's in La Jolla referred me to this book as I was browsing at the store. She said it had kept her up at night and that she was haunted by it. Strong words for any book. So I bought it. She was right to a point. 

Zan's debut is pretty stunning. It is hard to think this is her first book because her voice is so powerful and smooth. The beginning of the book is fantastically written to a point where I was sucked in immediately. Sarah is a disturbingly mental woman. There's no going around that. Zan builds up her character pretty well even to the point where it almost becomes unbelievable. All the dark and painful experiences Sarah went through is alluded to just enough that you get a taste but not so in-depth that you feel like you're reading trash. As a reader you become very sympathetic toward Sarah. Part of the tension and the thrill of it is the fact that she's not very strong and you worry that she's just not going to be able to pull through. 

At some point, however, the book becomes less intriguing. I'm not sure when that happens. I just know by the end I was less involved. Sarah suddenly becomes more apt to be strong. I love good character development, and I was glad Sarah finds herself at the end, but it just seemed too sudden and easy. This girl was a complete mental case (for good reason) and she breaks out of it too quickly in my opinion. I think it would have been better had she just shown signs of getting healed, rather than suddenly being better. 

People keep comparing this book to Gone Girl. I don't think it's a fair comparison. They're completely different. This is Zan's first book, though, so I suppose it is good on her that her debut is being compared to Flynn's (correct me if I'm wrong) third or fourth novel. Only good things are in Zan's future as she continues to write and prove herself as an author. She is a great new female voice in this genre. I will certainly read more of her work. 

Allegiant

WOOT WOOT!

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD! If you have not read or finished reading this book, come back when you have finished it. Unless you like spoilers, then be my guest. 

There has been a lot of hullabaloo about how Veronica Roth decided to finish this trilogy, and I have to admit it took some guts. I was shocked, at first, and I thought "No way. There's absolutely no way she has me all rooting for Tris and seeing how badass a character she was only just to kill her. This has to be a joke." No joke. 

However, the more I thought about it, the more I realize how fitting it was. And just how beautiful and poetic Tris' death was. It had to happen. I won't go into detail about all that. I can't spoil everything. But just pay attention or think about how Roth spins it at the end. It would actually be out of character for Tris to survive their final attack. She'd been looking for a way to prove herself and to make an impact in the world since Page 1.  As Tobias says "I suppose a fire that burns that bright is not meant to last." 

Throughout this whole trilogy I was skeptical and iffy about Roth. Her writing just feels so stifling at times. Maybe that's not the right word. Perhaps more along the lines of stilted, held back, limited. But now I see the beauty in it. And maybe she was doing that on purpose to make the reader feel just as stilted, limited, and held back as her characters felt in their factions. You can witness her beautiful prose when Tobias and Tris are together. I looked forward to those moments as much as Tris did because, not only is Tobias a sweet hunk of man, that was where the writing flowed and felt comfortable. Now I know it was all done on purpose. At least I would like to think so. Roth managed to use her writing style to evoke emotion which shows true talent and a sharp mind behind the words. At face value, her writing may not stand up to her peers, but she has won me over. Despite her dirty rotten trick at the end. 

Since I'm on the subject of Tris and Tobias, that's actually what I would prefer to focus on for the rest of this review. I actually had no intention of mentioning Tris dying because I hate spoilers, but I felt like I should pay homage to Roth's badass decision that I'm sure was even more devastating to her. As a writer also, I can't imagine killing off the main character in my book. 

Tris and Tobias have a tumultuous relationship. I'd get annoyed with them fighting all the time and Tris always getting mad that Tobias didn't trust or believe her. Then she'd run off and do something stupid so I'd side with Tobias because, girl, ya nearly got everyone killed. I've said it before, though, I love that Roth did not inject a stupid love triangle. I loved that it was Tobias and Tris out to save the world together. 

Allegiant has some beautiful quotes about love and life. I found the simple and realistic view that Tris had was quite powerful. Mind you, I hated Tris in book one. She was immature and seemed to make decisions because it fit the plot. I just didn't understand her. But by the end of the book and the scene where she sacrifices herself for her friends and the future, you see just how much she has grown and changed. I had to sit and stew with this for awhile because when I first closed the book when I was finally done, I wanted to throw the book. 

Enough of that. I said I wouldn't talk about that anymore. Back to the love thing.

One of my favorite quotes is one that I will probably always remember because it is just so perfect. Here this is Tris talking after she and Tobias have made up after yet another fight:

I used to think that when people fell in love, they just landed where they landed, and they had no choice in the matter afterward. And maybe that's true of beginnings, but it's not true of this, now.

I fell in love with him. But I don't stay with him by default as if there's no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me (372). 

The whole trilogy is about choices. Choices define you. Choices transform you. Choices destroy you. I think Tris' love with Tobias was her saving grace. That she found that love was the choice that defined her, not a faction or anything anybody said she was. 

I'm falling more in love with this trilogy the more I write about it and think about it. 

Insurgent

I haven't been able to look it up, but I'm pretty sure my review of Divergent was pretty scathing. The first book in the trilogy was, in my mind, stunted by a leading character who was not reliable and made decisions that just seemed to move the story forward rather than what she would do to fit her. I'll admit, I did not have any desire to finish the series, but I saw a preview for the movie and was surprised how enticing it looked. The movie looked better than I had remembered the book ever being. So I decided to give it another try and read the second book.

Insurgent was a step up. Roth's writing is getting better and better. I really loved the moments between Tris and Tobias. They seemed to be when Roth's writing really sung and flowed smoothly.

This book was entertaining. The storyline is pretty believable. I don't think Jeanine is a really threatening antagonist despite Roth's attempts to paint her as a monster. She's just not seen enough for me to really get a grasp of why she does what she does.

One of the more thrilling scenes that I remember is when one of the characters, under the influence of a simulation serum, jumps to her death off a building. This is a showing point to me and, even though it was an awful scene because of what happened, it showed Tris as a heroine. I was finally able to trust her as the protagonist. Too bad Tobias and others still can't trust her after that.

That being said, the cycle gets tired. Tobias and Tris seem to constantly battle each other. She seems to be constantly trying to prove herself to this guy that supposedly loves her. There are times I just want to smack both of them upside the heads for being so stubborn. I understand stubbornness is a quality that is desired in protagonists these days, especially in YA literature, but so is humility. There needs to be a point when one of them gives in and realizes that they were wrong. I'm still waiting for that moment to come for one of these characters.

So many times in YA literature there is a love triangle. That story gets old. And for some reason it's usually two gorgeous guys with some sort of magical ability who are inexplicably drawn to a very normal, average teenage girl. I have called this the Twilight Syndrome in posts before. If nothing else, the Divergent series steers clear of the Twilight Syndrome. It is a breath of fresh air that the main character only has one love interest. Honestly that's more true to life. I don't know about you, but I've never been in a love triangle. Maybe I just lead a sheltered life.

I highly recommend this series to young adults. However, be warned, it is pretty dark. Characters die off quickly. If that's not your cup of tea and you get attached to side characters quickly, you may want to stay away from this dystopian thriller, but I think you'll be missing out on an entertaining and imaginative read.

I'm Not Dead

Hello, friends and family! 

A lot has happened since April which was the last time I posted on this minuscule corner of the blogosphere. I went on deployment with my ship, read a lot of books, saw many parts of this world, learned a lot of new things, and met a lot of really interesting people. The navy has proven to be quite the adventure.

Deployment

I drove to San Diego and stayed at TPU until they were able to fly me out to my ship, the USS Higgins, which was steaming around in the Persian Gulf. It was quite the trip out there. I had never flown so far away from home. I slept on the plane and it was all really a blur. Once we arrived in Bahrain they put us up in a hotel then the next morning we were shuttled to the base and then a helicopter took us to the ship. First time riding in a helicopter and it was amazing. Also, it was my first time setting foot on a real US Navy ship. 

It took me awhile to get accustomed to ship life. Everyone was really nice, however, I got frustrated real quick because everyone had this attitude problem. It was hard for me to understand it because I was so in awe with everything. That feeling is fading away now which is sad because I don't necessarily like to be jaded. 

After Indoc I was sent to the Supply Department as a Food Service Attendant which is a nice way of saying "cranking." It's a rite of passage in the navy that is supposed to help sailors appreciate just how much the cooks go through to make our food. I was posted in the ward room, serving the captain and the other officers on board. It was an eye opening experience as well as one of the most challenging things I've had to do. 

Once we left Bahrain and the Gulf, we headed to Thailand. I liked Thailand. It was absolutely gorgeous there. But it felt very dirty and everyone just wanted my money. Everything was cheap and that was great, but it wasn't my favorite place. 

Next we went to Japan for two weeks. I loved Japan. Absolutely loved it. I liked to get away from the Navy traps where all the bars are and where people take advantage of military because they know we can pay for whatever they offer. My favorite place was Kamakura where there were temples, shrines, and a Buddha from roughly the 15th century. 

Guam was our next stop. I would have rather just passed by it and gone to Hawaii. It was pretty but everything was so spread out that it was necessary to have a car to really enjoy it even though it was an incredibly small island. I also went to a strip club with my friends and they said they owed me. I've still got to call in that IOU. 

Our last stop was Hawaii. I had a lot of fun in Hawaii. We rented a car and got to ride around to see the Tropicana Pineapple farm, beaches, and we went into Honolulu. 

After that we went on home to San Diego. It was really cool to be standing on the forecastle of a destroyer in my dress whites, pulling into port, and seeing the joyous welcome from friends and family waving signs and a band playing for us. 

Once we got home, I went on leave. I surprised my family and friends and drove home without telling them that was what I was doing. I showed up at my mom's school with flowers. It was probably the coolest thing I've done in a long time. 

Books

I really can't remember all the books I read on deployment. There were so many. I'll give you some highlights. 

Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare: Final installment in this trilogy. It was quite riveting and did not disappoint. The ending was really great and satisfying. However, that being said, I'm beginning to think Clare is only writing these because she's comfortable with the world and the characters. There's not as much excitement pulsing through the pages as there was in her first installments. Maybe it's just me. But maybe she really is getting tired. I'll see how it goes with the sixth book of the Mortal Instruments.

Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion: I watched the movie in Pensacola and was pleasantly surprised how much I liked it. The book was even better (duh!) because it didn't shy away from being cerebral. I loved the play with Romeo and Juliet that was definitely tooled up more in the movie than in the book. It is, all in all, a commentary on human nature and what it means to be alive. 

Requiem by Lauren Oliver: Third installments in trilogies are hard because you have to tie everything together. I think there's as much, if not more, pressure to make this one just right than there is with the first book. I'm betting the second book is the most fun to write because you have so much room for activities and you can play as much as you want. However, you have to pay for that in the third book. It's hard to satisfy everyone. Oliver's third installment was good. She didn't necessarily drop the ball. What she did is she twisted all of the plot into a commentary on human society which I applauded. The ending is open (small spoiler) but it ends with such a call to arms that I felt goosebumps while reading it. Plot-wise, she sticks to her guns. There's no denying she is a master of character and plot development. It did not feel thrown together. 

That being said it didn't sit right with me still. Maybe that's what she wanted. She may have wanted her reader to leave kind of uncomfortable. You can't make a difference in the world if you sit by all comfortable. 

Lone Wolf by Jodi Picoult: I was revisiting a reliable author who I knew could provide a thoughtful and interesting story. Lone Wolf was no exception. It has trademark Picoult-isms. She writes magically and weaves her story nicely, putting in twists and turns in just the right places. I'd recommend this one if you just want a quick read that doesn't make you feel like you're reading trash. 

The Game of Thrones series by George R. R. Martin: I finally plunged in. Talk about a soap opera. Everyone is out to get each other. I still haven't gotten to Dance of Dragons because I needed a little break, but I will return to find out what happens. Don't root for anyone because everyone in the story is in danger of dying. 

The Adventure Continues

Well now I am back in San Diego and life is good. I got an apartment, the ship is in the yards, and I've met some really great people. I am sort of seeing someone but it is up in the air. Once it is more solid, I will tell you all more about it. While on deployment, I came out as gay to everyone over Facebook. In April I had told my parents and they were pretty supportive, as much as they could be. I lucked out. Some family and friends have been less than supportive or nice about it but I can't control what they do or say, and I don't expect them to be okay with it. It's not their life. It's mine. I'm in the best place I've ever been in my life so far. 

Once I got home I also bought a new car. Phoebe was an amazing car but I traded her in for a Mini Cooper which I have named Killian Bradley Cooper. So far, I'm in love, however I will never forget Phoebe and how well she treated me. 

That is all for now! Expect more book reviews and updates. I'm going to keep writing Tales of the Unluckiest Lucky Girl because Olivia's story is not finished and she has been begging me to tell it all. I only aim to please. 

See you anon!

Been Awhile!

Hey, all you people out there in the blogosphere! It has been awhile and one of my beautiful redhead friends reprimanded me for not updating my blog. So here I am.

I have been in Pensacola, FL for training with the US Navy since October. In February I graduated from "A" school at the top of my class which awarded me accelerated advancement at my next command. On March 25 I graduated "C" school and got my orders to my next duty station which is:

SAN DIEGO!!!

I will be serving in the USS Higgins, a destroyer stationed in San Diego. This was exactly what I wanted, so it goes without saying that I am ecstatic!

Things I'm loving lately:

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis: they sing "Thrift Shop" and "Same Love"
Cynthia Hand: Author of the Unearthly series
InstaGram/PicStitch/InstaQuote: Yup, I've become one of those people.
CrossFit: Not new. I've just been really getting into fitness and have some crazy goals. Well, others would think they're crazy. I think they're awesome.
Being in the Military: Basic sucked. Not gonna lie. And parts of "A" school sucked as well. But it is just getting better, and I'm getting into the swing of it. San Diego will be an awesome PCS. And I've found confidence that I didn't realize I was lacking.

Books I've Read:

This is kind of unfair, but I'm going to do quick book reviews to catch up and hopefully get back to being good at updating this.

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn: One of the most messed up books I've read in a long time. Both the characters are just awful. I've never read a book that made me hate both protagonists. I don't even know if you could call them protagonists, but they're not antagonists either. However, Flynn is genius and her prose is spot-on and moody. I highly recommend it.

Graceling by Kristin Cashore: Totally a chick book. If you love sappy romance, you'll love this. I'm usually good with romance. I consider myself a hopeless romantic. But this was almost ridiculous. I kept expecting it to turn out to be a joke. But no. Cashore was serious. Also, if you like kick-ass heroines, this is great. But it wasn't my cup of tea. I recommend it for young teenage girls. Or fans of Twilight.

The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh: Such an extraordinary and disturbing story of a young girl who learns how to love through the language of flowers. It explores several different types of relationships. The main character is hard to love at times, but it turns out to be all right. The language of flowers theme carries through the whole book and is interesting enough to keep you going. I recommend it to anyone who likes a thinking book with emotion.

Unspoken by Sarah Rees Brennan: So fun! Loved it. Read it. That's all.

Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl: Pretty mundane in the writing. The movie made the characters come to life for me more than the books did. I'm not sure why that is happening so much lately. The story is fantastic though, so I would highly recommend it as a young adult novel to read. The love story is good and doesn't seem too forced, but it is also very undeveloped. Like, they fall in love for the sake of falling in love regardless of chemistry. In the movie, I understood the attraction. In the book...not so much.

Crewel by Gennifer Albin: An intriguing dystopian novel about Spinsters who can actually control the thread of life. The story line is creative and I liked that, but it doesn't get explained well enough. The main character is strong but her personality is too finicky. She's strong and makes quips at unexpected times and gets sheepish when it is more convenient for the story. Of course there's a love triangle and it is actually a good one. Somewhat. As far as triangles go. I'm thinking this love triangle business is tired. Let's try a love octagon for some real intrigue. Oh. And there was the agenda for gay and women's rights that rippled throughout the book. It was too obvious a schtick.

Sever by Lauren DeStefano: This woman is a genius. Her writing is impeccable. I just cannot get enough of her. This is the conclusion of the trilogy and it was sad to say good-bye to the characters. I take comfort knowing I can re-read and visit them again. The conclusion does not disappoint, but I don't think it's the best installment of the three books. As far as trilogies go, though, DeStefano managed not to drop the ball which seems to be the latest trend in YA books these days. I highly, highly recommend this series. It has a weird premise, but I love when authors are willing to stretch the boundaries, push the envelope a little. Go get it. Now.

Boundless by Cynthia Hand: Fantastic trilogy. Again, a third in a trio of books that I really loved. I was sad to say good-bye to these characters as well. Hand managed to, like DeStefano, not drop the ball on the third installment. The love triangle (another one) is still going strong, but you get the feeling throughout it all that you know how it will end up. There are beautiful scenes and humor and plenty of intense moments. When you go get Sever, go get this one too.

That catches you up to where I'm at right now. I don't get a whole lot of time to read and when I do finish a book I don't have a lot of time to sit and write a review, but I will stop making excuses and keep this thing up.

I'm leaving Pensacola on 03 April, going to Idaho, then reporting to San Diego in mid-April. I'm excited for my future and the great adventures the US Navy has ahead of me.

Reached

Rating: 3 out of 5 Red Pills

After leaving Society and desperately searching for the Rising—and each other—Cassia and Ky have found what they were looking for, but at the cost of losing each other yet again: Cassia has been assigned to work for the Rising from within Society, while Ky has been stationed outside its borders. But nothing is as predicted, and all too soon the veil lifts and things shift once again.

In this gripping conclusion to the #1 New York Times-bestselling Matched trilogy, Cassia will reconcile the difficulties of challenging a life too confining, seeking a freedom she never dreamed possible, and honoring a love she cannot live without.

(from Goodreads. com)

 

I don't know what it is about trilogies, lately, and the Third Book Syndrome. Condie's trio has potential. And this is why I have a love-hate relationship with it. The idea is good, and it works, but it didn't work for me. I don't know. Condie writes beautifully at times. There were a few gems of wisdom in each of the books, commentaries on life and human nature that I thought were priceless, but there seemed to be a disconnect. 

Ok, compared to other YA fiction out there right now, Condie's novels have more depth and the love stories are a little more believable, but I couldn't help feeling like it was missing something. Cassia is likable, but she isn't relatable. I don't feel like her character, as the heroine, leaps out of the pages for any special reason. At least she isn't a moody character and she is determined all the way through to the very last page, but I think because she didn't have fluctuations in her mood is why she was so unrealistic to me. She'd cry or she'd have these flashbacks but she never got angry. Of all the people in this series to get angry, Cassia is the one who should have been screaming mad. I wanted emotion and all I got was a pretty monotone character. Her insights are beautiful, and she becomes a way for Condie to show that it is the arts and the ability of humans to create that is going to save us someday. 

Ky was the best character throughout all of it because he was the most in-depth. He had more emotion behind him. However, I hated that he was so okay with Xander being in love with the girl he loved. So when the characters have emotions in this series it doesn't feel like something a normal person would feel. 

Xander is okay. He seems to shine the most in this book and he doesn't get very much mention in the other two books. He's kind of a side figure. The poor fella who got Matched to Cassia who doesn't love him. And then we are introduced to Lei in a sad way to match him off with someone else so the Cassia and Ky can live happily ever after. It felt like the whole Renesmee/Jacob fiasco in the last book of the Twilight series. Hey, let's introduce a new character for my third member in the love triangle so he can also be happy and my main duo can have their love. I'm sorry, but real life doesn't work that way. It's messy. And I wanted there to be mess in this book. I wanted there to be raw emotion. I mean...hello, The Society is being overthrown and nobody seemed to care. I won't spoil it, but I just feel like that should have been handled differently.

 Now to the Pilot thing. My other big gripe about this. Two whole books of the buildup of "Who is The Pilot?" Then it's just some random guy we never heard of. Nor do we ever get a freaking name or a description of this guy. I'm not sure I understand the point of that. And then we suddenly had Pilots popping up everywhere. Indie was a Pilot? We are all Pilots? Meaning we all determine our own destiny? I was so confused. I wanted the Pilot to be Cassia or Ky or even Xander. That would have made literary sense. 

Ok. Enough of the gripes. I have to give Condie props for some really beautiful writing. Especially in the first two books. Her descriptions were very handy and well-crafted. Where story line and emotion seemed to fail, her writing picked up the slack. When I finished the second book, I wasn't sure I wanted to finish the last book because the whole business in The Carving felt plotless and too wander-y for my taste. But it was Condie's writing that brought me back. I will continue to watch for her career in the future because I definitely think she's a gifted writer. I just think she needs some help in the conveying emotion department. 

Addendum: Now that I think of it, this book actually reads a lot like Ayn Rand's Anthem which is an amazing and very short book. The plotline seems about the same. But, Rand was still able to convey some very real emotion in characters that didn't even have names. So it can be done.  

The Language of Flowers

Rating: 4 out of 5 Lisianthus (for Appreciation)

The Language of Flowers, Vanessa Diffenbaugh’s mesmerizing, moving, and elegantly written debut novel, beautifully weaves past and present, creating a vivid portrait of an unforgettable young woman whose gift for flowers helps her change the lives of others even as she struggles to overcome her own troubled past. (from RandomHouse.com)

Diffenbaugh's debut is stunning and heartfelt. Going into it, I wasn't quite sure what I was getting into. I am usually annoyed with stories that start out so depressing and emotional as though I'm being force-fed or cajoled into sympathy and, as a reader, that is never a good thing. However, Diffenbaugh managed to swindle me into Victoria's story quite easily. I think what did it for me was the relationship between Victoria and Elizabeth which becomes a central piece of the whole story. 

This book is about relationships and communication, about what makes a family, and redemption and forgiveness. Victoria is a child who feels she will never belong with anyone because no one has kept her around long enough to love her. Elizabeth takes a chance on her and takes her in. Thus we see the blossoming of this unwanted girl into someone's daughter. We also see Victoria as a young woman, homeless and on her own. Diffenbaugh builds up the mystery of what happened between Victoria and Elizabeth with deft professionalism and nice storytelling. I found myself enthralled (I finished it in two days). 

I think the powerful part of this book is the message of redemption. Not only does Victoria seek redemption, but so does Elizabeth, in their own ways. Catherine is a ghost figure in the book, but she plays a huge role in all of it, as most of the mystery revolves around her. I won't give too much away.

Grant is a strong character and the romance between him and Victoria is built up nicely. 

I think where Diffenbaugh almost lost me was when Victoria has her baby, but I understand why Victoria had to become a mother. She had to experience what it was like to care for another human being. 

This book has it all. It plays out like a chick-flick movie. One of those I'm Woman, Hear Me Roar type movies. But the message it carries is valuable to anyone who reads it. I loved the underlying Language of Flowers, learning about that, and how the characters used flowers to say things when they could not communicate.

Every Day

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Inhabited Bodies

Every day a different body. Every day a different life. Every day in love with the same girl.

There’s never any warning about where it will be or who it will be. A has made peace with that, even established guidelines by which to live: Never get too attached. Avoid being noticed. Do not interfere.

It’s all fine until the morning that A wakes up in the body of Justin and meets Justin’s girlfriend, Rhiannon. From that moment, the rules by which A has been living no longer apply. Because finally A has found someone he wants to be with—day in, day out, day after day. (from Goodreads.com)

I read David Levithan's latest book in one day. Granted, it's not a mammoth of a novel, but it isn't short by any means either. To me, this is an indication of how good it is. 

The plot is strange. It recalls to mind Stephenie Meyer's The Host and Quantum Leap and Lauren Oliver's Before I Fall. Despite the strange premise, Levithan makes it believable and his protagonist is sympathetic and you want him to succeed and to figure out a way for things to work. 

It starts off without any messing around. A, our protagonist, is in the body of Justin. Right away he meets Rhiannon and finds himself connecting and attaching to her when he used to keep himself within the confines of his host's daily lifestyle. With Rhiannon, A starts breaking his own rules. She even becomes the first person he tells about what he is and what he does. Their mutual attachment is believable because Rhiannon doesn't give in right away. Her reactions are just what I would expect a normal person to do if faced with this situation. Disbelief, fascination, disgust, and so on. 

When it comes down to it, Every Day is a fantastic commentary on the human condition. This person sees life through the eyes of a different person every day. He understands bodily limitations because he's felt every single one. He understands addictions. He understands attraction and how it is not limited to gender. At the core of this is a love story. A and Rhiannon's love transcends rules and order, defies what we believe, because it shows that you can fall for what's inside a person, not what's inside. One of my favorite quotes from the book illustrates this point:

"What is it about the moment you fall in love? How can such a small measure of time contain such enormity? I suddenly realize why people believe in deja vu, why people believe they've lived past lives, because there is no way the years I've spent on this earth could possibly encapsulate what I'm feeling. The moment you fall in love feels like it has centuries behind it, generations--all of them rearranging themselves so that this precise remarkable intersection could happen. In your heart, in your bones, no matter how silly you know it is, you feel that everything has been leading to this, all the secret arrows were pointing here, the universe and time itself crafted this long ago, and you are just now realizing it, you are just now arriving at the place you were always meant to be."

I highly recommend this novel to anyone looking for a unique love story with incredibly surprising depth and really good prose. It's a fast, quick-paced read so don't be scared to pick it up. I gave it a generous 4.5 out of 5 Inhabited Bodies. 

Beautiful Creatures

Rating 3 out of 5 Magical Lollipops

Lena Duchannes is unlike anyone the small Southern town of Gatlin has ever seen, and she's struggling to conceal her power, and a curse that has haunted her family for generations. But even within the overgrown gardens, murky swamps and crumbling graveyards of the forgotten South, a secret cannot stay hidden forever.

Ethan Wate, who has been counting the months until he can escape from Gatlin, is haunted by dreams of a beautiful girl he has never met. When Lena moves into the town's oldest and most infamous plantation, Ethan is inexplicably drawn to her and determined to uncover the connection between them.

In a town with no surprises, one secret could change everything. (from Amazon.com)

I always find that when I start skimming in a book that it is a sign of a merely mediocre, or less, book. Beautiful Creatures started out really good. The mystery was intriguing and the setup was nice, but then something stopped for me. Maybe it was just the style of writing. Maybe I just got tired of hearing everything from Ethan's point of view. I don't know what it was. The imagery is nice in the story and it has potential. I'm still very excited to see what they do with it for a movie (I can already tell you that the book and movie are NOTHING alike just from the previews) and the concept is, well, beautiful. There just seemed to be something missing. Depth, maybe?

Lena and Ethan aren't the worst couple I've seen in YA literature. There is actually enough tension and meaning behind their relationship that I was satisfied, but it still felt like they fell in love really fast. Call me old and cynical, so much so that I can't believe in young love anymore, but I was skeptical. If you're going to put two people together in a story and have it come down to life-and-death that they stay together, then make their love so solid and believable that I want them to be together. This, sadly, was just another case of "Hey, we're writing them this way so you have to go with it." I hate being forced to want two people together. However, I'm not entirely against it. I think what would have helped is to have interchanging points of view between Ethan and Lena. Ethan is reliable but, at times, he's too far removed from the central points of the story to be a main voice. Lena doesn't really fully develop and, even by the end, I don't feel like I fully understand her. I just see Ethan's view of her and that is skewed a little.

There are also scenes with rituals (Lena's birthday and Halloween) where it gets confusing. The descriptions, while sometimes beautifully written, are so shifty that it left me spinning. I didn't know what was going on so I'd lose interest because it was hard to figure out. The visions with the locket was interesting, but that line of the story gets dropped early. I liked the whole Civil War backdrop of the story and the old Ethan and Genevieve's story that parallels Ethan and Lena's. That was nice.

I don't know. This book was decent and I might read more, but I'm also okay with not. I'm interested to see what happens with Lena and her mom (a big part of the storyline that doesn't really get fully developed) and to see the continuing saga of Ethan and Lena and how their love develops. But, for now, I will probably leave Gatlin and return another time.

I'm Back!

Hello, my affectionate readers! I have returned from the black hole I disappeared in for the last three months. I was at basic training for the US Navy since August and have now returned to civilization, reappearing in the warm and sunny world called Florida. Pensacola is a great place; it feels like summer here. I've decided there are only two seasons in Florida: summer and cool summer. It seriously feels like an Idaho summer here right now and this is their "winter." It supposedly gets cold here, but I have yet to feel it. Ok, at night it does cool down a lot and I have felt chilled, but I will take this over the frigid, frozen tundra I left in Idaho.

Basic was interesting. Not gonna lie, it was not what I was expecting. At all. Lots of folding clothes. Lots of sitting around. Lots of standing. Lots of getting yelled at for no reason. Basically 8.5 weeks of feeling like I'm worthless. I kept waiting for the "building up" period everyone told me about, but it never really came. Graduation was cool. There were some memorable moments and some moments I would love to forget.

Now I am at "A" school at Corry Station in Pensacola, FL. This is a small base compared to the NAS next door, but it is nice to have a more tight-knit group. Plus, it is a little more chill over here. I have been here almost a month and my classes will start this week.

I thought I'd give an update of where I'm at. My blog will continue! I will try and do more book reviews as I read. Granted, I will not have as much time to read as I used to, but when I do finish a book, expect to see a review on here. I am always taking suggestions on books to read, so please feel free to make recommendations.

Oh! Flyleaf just released a new album and I bought it. It is fantastic! I'm listening to it right now. They don't seem to do wrong.

Until next time...

Oh and this is me, today, at the Blue Angels Homecoming airshow!

Second Draft

I just finished the second draft of Befall last week!!!! I'm very pleased with the changes I've made in the story. Now I just need to work on the consistency issues and just make the thing pretty. I will probably also start writing the second novel in the series. All of this, sadly, is going on the backburner for an indeterminate amount of time as I am going into the military and won't have a whole lot of time to devote to it. However, it will be on my mind and the story will continue to develop as I go. I'm a writer at heart and the stories will continue to live on in my head. These characters that I have come to love will soon demand that their story is heard, so this is not the end. Merely a postponing. While it does sadden me to have to set it aside for awhile, I do think it will do me and the story and the characters some good to have some time to breathe and diverge for awhile.

Independence Day

It has been awhile since I've posted. This will also be sort of a book review for Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell. Really just a huge lumpy post that will hopefully make sense. I've felt the urge to get some thoughts out in the universe.

I am leaving in almost 30 days to start basic training and a subsequent career in the United States Navy. I'm feeling a huge mixture of emotions ranging from excitement to nervousness to fear to worry and doubt. It's funny cuz the excitement, when it comes, usually overshadows any of the negative feelings. I'm apprehensive because of the unknown. I'm not sure what to expect with all of this even though I've had a year to prepare. It will have been literally a year since I made the decision to when I leave for basic. Probably almost to the day.

I'm worried about leaving my family and friends and all the things I will miss. My nieces and nephews will continue to grow and change while I'm away and I will miss milestones. I try not to focus on the things I will miss and rather the things I will gain from this.

For the first time in my life I am fully comprehending the sacrifice it takes for someone to serve in the military. Days like Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Labor Day all take on a whole new meaning for me. My heart goes out to those who have lost loved ones to war.

I just recently read Marcus Luttrell's Lone Survivor. It was a tale of survival and the human capacity to overcome. It was a story about true fighting soldiers who gave it their all and the one man who lived to tell about them. My eyes misted over a couple times while reading as the men fought to their dying breath. I gave it a five-star rating and I think every American should read it just so they can get somewhat of an understanding of what our troops are facing.

I know I won't be on the front lines but I will be helping to gather the intel that will help those on the front lines make decisions. The US military is like a well-oiled machine especially if everyone works hard and does their part. I'm determined to be the best in my field, to be a reliable and helpful source, and to work my hardest. No time for slacking!

What if I'm not cut out for this? What if I mess this up? I want to be able to finish my service in the Navy, whether in 8 years of 20 years, and be able to say that I too gave it my all.

These are just some of the things I've been thinking about on this Independence Day. I've never been one for fireworks and, frankly, this year I've been worried about the state going up in flames with all the idiots out there playing with fire in the dry heat we've been having. So today I celebrated my independence by spending time with my family and friends and taking some time to think of my future in the military and of all those who have served valiantly before me. I hope to be able to live up to the standard they have set.