Morgan & Wyatt

On January 16, 2009, my sister and her husband welcomed to the world two bundles of joy: Morgan Rico and Wyatt Bruce. Morgan was 2 minutes older than Wyatt. He weighed 5 1/2 lbs. and was 18 1/2 inches long. His brother was a little bigger at 6 1/2 lbs. and 19 1/2 inches. They are adorable and, so far, don't cry very much. All they really do is sleep. I'll post pictures here and on my Facebook page.

1st Picture: Feeding Morgan
2nd Picture: Morgan
3rd Picture: Wyatt
4th picture: Morgan is on the left and Wyatt is on the right.

Snowshoes

Today something miraculous occurred. I actually had a Saturday off work! So my friends Mike, Craig, Kajsa, and Lacey decided that we should all go snowshoeing. I think Mike was actually the brains behind it all. Kajsa is an avid snowshoer so she was excited to go. I was excited, but I was not so keen on getting up early on my day off. We all make sacrifices I guess.

We were going to go up to West Yellowstone (another detail I wasn't too thrilled about simply cause it's so far away) but we ended up stopping an hour before we got there and went to Harriman State Park just north of Ashton.

It was so much fun! We walked around in snow that should have had us buried up to our thighs. As beginners, we all got really wet because the snow would flip up from our shoes.

We tried to keep off the beaten path as much as we could just cause that was more fun, but it was also really hard work.

At one point we were walking along and saw a hump of snow. Mike started walking on it and told me to follow him. I was reluctant but feeling adventurous, so I followed his steps. Suddenly I ended up sinking into the snow to my waist with one foot still left precauriously on the top of the snow. Good times. (Moral of the story: Don't give in to peer pressure!)

I am not fond of snow, but I think I found something that would help me at least tolerate it.

Final Semester

Today I started the last semester of my undergraduate career. It was overwhelming; I'm not going to lie. And it was a really, really long day. I don't know what I was thinking when I planned my schedule, but I have packed my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I'm sure there was some brilliance behind my plan back when I made the schedule, but I failed to see it today.

These are the classes I'm taking this semester. Be jealous. Be very jealous.

Math 110: It's at 9AM. As my sister has said, this is my "white whale." This is the third time around taking this class. Hopefully third time is a charm! My teacher was very impressive and spiritual, and she seems to be willing to bend over backwards for her students.

English 495: This is the Senior Writing Seminar, a.k.a. the Senior Capstone class. I am taking it from Elaine Hawker. She is an amazing teacher; this will be my fourth class I will have taken from her. She teaches a wide variety of things. I took Shakespeare, technical writing, and rhetoric from her. Honestly, I didn't care for her style of teaching when I first had her. She was too sporadic and eccentric for me. It wasn't until I took her tech writing class that I really started to appreciate her style, then in rhetoric I really got to know her better and she is an amazing person and an influential teacher. She's one of those teachers you either love or hate though.

Comm. 352: Persuasion. This is my "fun" class. HA! I might have to rethink the fun part. It's going to be a lot of work. The teacher is in the top three of my favorite professors here: Andra Hansen. This will be my third class with her.

Spanish 202: This is Spanish literature which scares me. At least I'm taking it with one of my really good friends, Beth.

Comm. 397R: This class isn't really a class. Well, it is. It's a practicum course. The teacher is there to be an advisor and supporter and a connection to people. In this class we have to come up with a project, write up a "contract" for the teacher to approve the project, and then fill 32 hours minimum with that project. I'm not so sure what I'm going to do for my project yet.

Comm. 338: Media Planning and Strategies. What a snooze! The first day was a struggle to keep awake and not just because it's in the morning. Hopefully the whole semester is not like that.

So far so good.

Random Sidenote: The mighty three professors who influenced me (I had mentioned that Sister Hansen was in the top 3 of favorites) are Sister Ellen Pearson, Sister Elaine Hawker, and Sister Andra Hansen.

Rush of Emotion

(Author's Note: Be forewarned, the following post is not going to be cheery at all. If you're not in the mood to read something a little more on the down-side...don't read this.)

Almost a year ago, I lost my oldest sister. She practically suffocated one night. It was a random and disturbing thing that I am still trying to come to grips with. The rest of the year last year was spent attempting to return to normalcy despite an inner turmoil that begged me not to let things be normal again. It was quite the paradox. Part of me wanted life to be normal again. Another part of me knew that it would never be the same again. Yet another part of me didn't want it to be normal again simply because normal meant I may forget my sister. I could never forget her completely, but moving on could, in turn, make the memories fade and harder to hold on to.

I've actually been doing a lot better lately. For awhile I worried about my sanity. I'd break down at the stupidest things. To say the least I'm more emotional these days than I ever was before my sister died. When I'm watching a movie and someone dies at the end, I'm usually blubbering like a girl. It's happened a couple times which is quite embarrassing for a guy. You don't really understand death until someone really close to you dies.

I'd thought Christmas would be hard, but I guess I didn't have a lot of time to think about it because it wasn't that bad. Thanksgiving was much harder comparatively. I'm not saying I didn't miss my sister as her daughter was opening presents and having a good ol' time. It just wasn't bad. I think it's cause I had braced myself for a hard time during the holidays. Or I was just too caught up in work and such to really ponder about who was missing from the picture.

I also think that a coping mechanism to grief is that you just become accustomed to the missing piece. You always know that something's not right, but there is rightness in the wrongness because you have told yourself that this is how it has to be for now.

So I got thinking about my sister again tonight because my really good friend's dad passed away today. I got the call at work from another friend. He told me that Matt's dad had a heart attack on Monday. He was doing better and then suddenly took a turn for the worse and passed away earlier this afternoon.

Not only did I ache because of the bad news. No one should have to go through this, but it is our mortal human nature. Everyone will be touched by death. I hurt also because I knew what Matt was going through and what he would be going through for the next few weeks...the next few months...the next year...There will always be that twinge of pain and grief and loss.

After I got the call, I could not concentrate. I tried. But all the old feelings flooded over me in a rush of emotion. Suddenly those feelings I felt when my sister died were fresh again. Like a picked scab, bleeding again. I can still remember how my heart raced when my Dad called me and told me to come to the hospital. My breath echoed in my ears as I grabbed my coat and ran out the door.

The whole ride to the hospital I tried to convince myself that this was all going to be just an episode. Just a fleeting thing. My sister would make it. She would live.

I can remember the tiny waiting room. The impending doom. Waiting. Watching as my mom blamed herself for the whole thing.

I remember my dad coming in and telling us that she did not make it. My mom's groans and whimpers as she cried on my dad's shoulder. My other sister wrapped in her husband's arms as I just sat there, stunned and teary-eyed.

After that everything was a blur. I just remember feeling numb. That had to be part of the body's defenses against grief.

I miss going to the grave. It gave me an excuse to break down instead of putting up a front of strength. As soon as the snow melts, I will go back.

Christmas Preferences

(This (belated) post was taken from the scalliwag Anne's blog)

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? I prefer Egg Nog for sure! Someone asked me what egg nog is (they were from Australia...and I couldn't explain what it was...but it sure is good!)

2. Does Santa wrap presents or sit them under the tree? Both

3. Colored lights on the tree/house or white? Ya gotta have a smattering of both although for outside white lights are classy. Depends on the look you're going for.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No

5. When do you put your decorations up? Day after Thanksgiving usually

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Yams

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child: Oh good call, Anne, with the Nativity with the cousins. Good times. I also enjoyed getting up early and waiting for it to be time to wake up my parents. We'd then wrap ourselves in blankets so we couldn't see what Santa brought us as we would run downstairs to wake up our parents. They'd tell us to leave while they got ready. They took FOREVER to get ready. Then we'd take pictures of the tree and of us all in our pj's before tearing into the gifts.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? It just occurred to me over time. I tried to deny it. I think I knew it was all a gag when I was pretty young though.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Nope.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? With my hands. How do you decorate yours? HA! The usual...Lights and ornaments.

11. SNOW: Love it or Dread it? Dread it! I've dubbed snow "sky vomit" if that gives you an inkling as to my feelings for the white fluffies.

12. Can you ice skate? Somewhat. Not gracefully at all. Haven't gone ice skating in ages!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? I remember getting this huge polar teddy bear that was awesome. Loved him. My most recent favorite gift is the iHome I got this last Christmas. Listening to it right now!

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Trying not to get caught up in the craze of shopping, keeping the "reason for the season" in my mind and heart, and being with family.

15. What is your favorite Holiday dessert? Toast and Hot Chocolate (I agree, Anne)

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? I loved going to my grandparents house for the Christmas party and doing the nativity, and going to Christmas breakfast before driving up to Idaho to visit my other grandma. Recently I've loved the Christmas eve fine china dinner we have. This was the first year we haven't done that in ages. Sad.

17. What tops your tree? Nothing.

18. Do you prefer giving or receiving? Giving

19. Favorite Holiday song: That's like picking a favorite child. I am partial to Carol of the Bells, Silent Night, or O Little Town of Bethlehem.

20 Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum? Yum--but I gotta be in the mood.

Tis the Season

I work retail, and I have worked retail for 4 years give or take. To put it mildly, working retail ruins the Christmas season. I spent 3 of the 4 years in the giant mother of all retail stores: Wal-Mart. If that doesn't kill the holiday spirit, I don't know what does. This year I have tried and tried to get into the Christmas spirit. I made myself a mix CD of Christmas music I found on iTunes, but when I got to work and listened to Christmas music for 4 hours straight, I couldn't take any more of it.

When I was eating dinner with my folks tonight (I am staying with my parents during the holiday break) we were watching A Christmas Carol (Patrick Stewart version). While this is not my favorite version it did bring across a point to me that has been niggling at the back of my brain for the past month or so.

Whatever happened to just enjoying the holidays for what they are? The meaning of Christmas is not the gifts. It's about family and the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It's about friends and home. It's about being Christlike.

I promised myself I wouldn't get too preachy on my blog, so I will refrain from that. It's just hard these days to see past the glitter and commotion in the stores to find the true meaning of Christmas. Today I spent most of the day with my parents and my beautiful niece, topped it off with a nice evening with my parents, my best friend, and his girlfriend. That is what Christmas is all about. Being with those you love.

So this Christmas, with the economy the way it is, don't fret over STUFF and THINGS. Rather...enjoy the time you get to have with your family and friends...I will try and do the same.

Motivation or Lack Thereof

I told myself I would practice restraint and not write on my blog every day, but I couldn't resist. My fingers itch to write but my mind won't let me write anything to do with school or even my usual little short stories for that matter. What the heck is my problem?

I've been going to school straight through since last fall. For some, this is probably no big deal, but my brain does not function well without some sort of release. My summer semester was really fun, but it was also really hard. I had two of my hardest semesters right in a row: winter and summer. Winter was hard for several reasons. Summer was hard because I had the dreaded English 450 class in which I had to create a magazine from the ground up. It was a great time with a very steep learning curve. (I will try and see if I can post my magazine on here so you can take a gander).

That being said...I had very little brain left by the end of summer semester. And I still have one more semester to go and then I will graduate. I have to get over this funk before next semester which promises to be another tough one.

I feel like I'm just complaining in this post.

Sitting here, I was trying to grasp that ever-elusive motivation. Lately I've been thinking about how energetic and excited I used to get about school. Don't get me wrong; I love to learn and I'm actually going to miss having so much knowledge constantly at my fingertips. But it's like looking at two different people when I consider what I was like at the beginning of my undergrad career and what I am like now.